A lesson in uncertainty
My last blog post was about the end of my college career, which feels like eons ago. So much has happened between then and now!
I started two different jobs, successfully planned a wedding, and got married to Chance. I feel like a real adult now. I even learned to file a claim with the car insurance company (twice) and went to the gynecologist — If that’s not “adulting,” I don’t know what is.
It’s so crazy to think that this is my life now. I keep telling Chance how things feel weird, like how we’re “The Newberry’s” and how we live in the same house that doesn’t belong to our parents. To my 20th time saying, “That’s so weird that…” he responded, “We didn’t have to get married if you were going to think it’s so weird.”
He was joking, obviously, but still. It’s weird! In a good way though.
There were so many uncertain things in my life four months ago. I didn’t know what my job would be or where we would live. I also didn’t know a million details of our wedding, like what my dress would look like, what kind of dessert we’d have, or where our table linens would come from.
But now we’re here and all of that is done and has been provided for. And most of it is not at all how I imagined.
I honestly didn’t think I’d be a sports journalist, which is dumb because that’s been my dream since I was 17 years old and what I went to school for. And Chance thought he’d be building grain bins, but now he’s farming, which is what he’s dreamed of doing since he learned what a tractor was.
I know it can be annoying to hear, “God is so good, He will provide” or “God has a plan, you just have to be patient and trust Him,” from people who are on the other side from where you stand. I had a lot of kind, godly, well-intentioned people telling me that throughout the spring months.
I appreciated their encouragement and guidance, and I know they were just trying to help, but sometimes I didn’t want to hear it. So if you’re reading this and you’re feeling how I felt four months ago, let me just say I get it. I understand the questions you’re asking, the tears you’ve cried, and the frustrations you carry.
Not knowing is incredibly tough. But sometimes, tough situations require tough love. I’m not going to try to comfort you, I’m just going to say that you have a choice in your uncertainty, and it’s hard to make it, but it’s up to you if you’re going to choose faith over fear.
If you knew how everything was going to play out, especially if you knew it was going to happen according to your plans, it’d be really easy to trust God. But that’s not what faith is.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hop for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.” Hebrews 11:1-2
Not knowing and still acting is faith. Not knowing and still trusting is faith. Not knowing and still hoping and praying and surrendering is faith. Not knowing is what gives us the opportunity to have faith in the first place. If we were the ones in control and doing all the planning, there would be no reason for faith. We would be God, but thank goodness we are not.
The ideas and plans I had four months ago would have given me a lot more safety and security, but the life I’m living now has given me so much more. More opportunities, more freedom, and more chances to follow God’s plan for my life.
I can honestly say the month of May was the first time in my life I didn’t try to force something. I didn’t have anything planned, I had no certain job. I was just doing a lot of random things and trusting God would provide. A year ago, I would’ve been scrambling trying to come up with something, but praise the Lord for His softening of my heart and hands that allowed me to be patient with Him.
I now see uncertainty as an opportunity for faith, an opportunity to trust the Lord of my life and worship Him through small steps of obedience. It’s not comfortable or convenient, but it’s turning out better than I thought.
As you pray for provision, pray for a change of heart too. Ask God to soften your heart and help you to be more surrendered. It’s not an easy prayer to pray, but it will make your load feel so much lighter.