I don’t always know what I’m doing, but I’m learning to enjoy it anyway.
If the last three months have taught me anything, I’ve learned life really is a journey. Not journey in the sense that we’re on a trip to get to one specific destination, but rather a long road trip to anywhere and nowhere. Three months ago that would've driven me crazy, but I’m learning to relax a bit more.
Last August I started preparing and scheduling my summer internship. By March, I was redirected to report to a different person, and after a month of waiting to hear back, I found out the internship wouldn’t be a thing at all. I scrambled and made some calls to set up a different internship and that wasn’t smooth sailing either. But, after a lot of phone calls, emails, and prayers, I finally started interning at the SC4 Athletic Department today, which I’m even more excited about!
I basically spent three whole months without a plan. I had no idea what was going to happen and I was helpless in forcing anything to happen. Once I finished classes and my “track season,” I had quite literally nothing I needed to be doing. I can’t remember the last time I felt that way.
It was kind of fun, honestly. Each morning was a new adventure and I could do whatever I wanted (within quarantine boundaries, of course). But as fun as that was, I still needed to feel like I was working toward something and making progress. The anxiety would creep back in and I’d start forcing things to happen.
I think the breaking point occurred when I spent an entire day ordering supplies and preparing for my roadside coffee shop at the farm. I was seriously so excited until my board of directors (aka mom & dad) warned me of stranger danger and the potential debt of not selling enough coffee to breakeven on my ridiculous Sam’s Club order.
In my mind it seemed like a great idea and it felt like something I’d enjoy and could do to be productive. I was even going to have a cool road sign made. It was going to be awesome.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be productive, but I’ve learned that the more I try to force things to happen, the more I rely on my own strength and forget about God who’s got a plan for me. Who would’ve known the internship I tried to set up in August would fall through, but a casual meeting I had in January would be the thing that allowed me to do the job I really wanted to do?
His ways are better than my ways. I might not always understand it, but I’m learning to embrace and enjoy it. And who knows, maybe that roadside coffee shop will work out some time later in my journey. I sure hope so.
